It was the second time I had malaria - the first time was in the lowlands, and this time I was in the highlands. The first time was rough, but this time it took much longer to get medicine so it was incredibly intense, my fever was higher, the chills were stronger, and I was weaker. In the midst of my pain and weakness, I had the most serious "heart to heart" with God I had ever had. As the chills kicked in and caused me to shake violently, I questioned God like never before.
It just so happened that the moments before the malaria kicked in, I finished reading a book called "Knowing God" by J.I. Packer, who basically calls the reader to quit trying to know things about God and actually step into a relationship with him - to really know him. In the midst of my questioning his power, his will, and quite honestly his existence, the violence of my chills suddenly went from a raging wave to the most still, tranquil peace I had ever known - ever. I felt the gentleness of his presence, and a soft whisper in the depths of my soul. I heard him speak to me, "My dear child. I love you. I'm here for you. You are weary, but I am strong. I know everything about you. Shhhh, be still and know that I am God. Let me teach you my ways. Let me love you. Keep your eyes fixed on me." For the following 4 weeks, my malaria continued -- but each night when the fever raised & chills increased, I told Brittany, "It's time to learn about God. Time to deepen my relationship with him and know him more."
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| I took this picture the day after the encounter described above, Jan. 2010. |
FAST FORWARD EXACTLY 3 YEARS...
LOCATION: PASADENA, CA. JANUARY 2014.
Brittany and I had just finished giving Zoey a bath before bed, which has become a routine of ours and of course a very special and intimate time together. She had been cleaned and fed, yet she began to scream loudly -- differently than she has before. So I wrapped her up tightly in her cute little ducky towel, still completely naked, vulnerable, dependent, and screaming. I held her closely in my arms and began to whisper to her, saying, "My dear child. I love you. I'm here for you. You are weary, but I am strong. I know everything about you. Shhhh, be still little one and know that I am your father. Let me love you. Keep your eyes fixed on me."
In the middle of one scream she suddenly turned her head and fixed her eyes on mine, and immediately had a radical peace come over her. She relaxed and gazed up at me and realized that she was safe, and that I was there to watch over her and protect her. At that exact moment I had a flashback to the moment I fixed my eyes on the Father several years ago. It was during that time that my relationship with Him strengthened like never before. I've never been the same since that intimate encounter in the midst of suffering.
Likewise, my relationship with Zoey strengthened as well that night. I knew that becoming a Dad would teach me about God. Well, friends - those lessons have officially begun.
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| My precious daughter, Zoey, and me. Jan. 2014. |
I enjoyed reading your daily blog it reminded me of the time where I was gravely sicken one would think physically but it was emotionally, the passing of my sister and within a few days both my grandparents passed a day after each other. They were married over fifty years. My sister left behind three little girls. After a couple day of being beside myself all I could do was pray and ask GOD to guide me and calm me, Please tell me what to do. I could hear God say; nowhere does the Bible teach that Christians are to be exempt from the tribulations and natural disaster. It does teach that the Christian can face tribulation, crisis, calamity, and personal suffering with a supernatural power that is not available to the person outside Christ. For a person that was lucky to get a c- in public speaking in school .GOD gave me all kind of strength. GOD allowed me to do reflections for my love ones. No Fear, Not even a tear fell from my eye as I shared how blessed we was to have our love ones in our lives I insisted we rejoice and this is our temporary home. That the urgency matter at hand is not of the passing, it’s to let the living have a relationship with GOD and share his word. Ok ok am going reel it in! That peace that covers you, ONCE I felt it I was hooked too. Only GOD can get you through challenges in your life with a grateful heart.Don't be moved to much if Zoey don't stop crying some time when yo ask her.lol ZOEY is as BEAUTIFUL as her mother and you guys are blessed and highly favored. GOD BLESS.Cant wait to read more blogs
ReplyDeleteI found this blog because of your fun pregnancy video. I am excited to follow you on your journey. I am starting a women's ministry at our church called The Journey and will be creating groups to do life together. I am looking for books as suggestions for the groups to read together so thank you for mentioning the Knowing God book. I will definitely check into that one. God bless you and your family as you serve the One and Only.
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